Either through direct comments, or indirect implications, the abuser will let his partner know that he is not happy, that it is somehow her fault, and that she must fix it. They don't blame YOU for all the relationship problems, and they don't fabricate problems just so you can be the scapegoat. The reasons for this are numerous --but in terms of the core difficulties that both have sustained, these personality dynamics allow each partner to side-step genuine intimacy, for which they are equally ill-equipped. His move into her neighborhood will be "justified" by him for some specious reason, but the reality is, he can't let go and is still trying to control her and inflict pain on her after the relationship is over. Historically, no female ever wanted to be pregnant outside of wedlock, so men have naively continued to hand the issue of birth control over to their partners. She might attain a modicum of personal healing during her motherhood experience--but the way she treats you and the pets , will be much like how she'll treat her children.
For example, one abuser caught in the middle of a lie, blamed his lie on "bad memory", almost started crying, and began bemoaning what he would do if his memory was going, because his whole job depended on being able to remember lots of details. He will mope and sigh about how little time she has for him now that she is working more or taking that course, or back in school. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. The abuser learns and goes for the most sensitive "buttons" on his partner, so that he can get a response out of her. It may be as simple as encouraging her to go out dancing with her friends, or to go visit her mother, or it may be as serious as encouraging her to take a job or go back to school. The problem is that the abuser never gives freely or unconditionally. In friendships, however, you may play the role of abuser by withholding, manipulating, trying to "help" others, etc. The primary aim of this article is to caution males about dangerous women and entrapment by conception--but that's just the tip of this iceberg. Without skilled intervention, she just can't help herself. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. A female with borderline traits has the remarkable ability to perfectly mirror her partner's attributes and fuel his grandiosity , without invoking his engulfment fears. If you are with someone who matches the abusive behavior in this article, get help. After a significant break-up, any unclothed reunion puts you at serious risk for entrapment, no matter what she says to the contrary! This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. Denying and other forms of emotional abuse can cause you to lose confidence in your most valuable survival tool: However, the REAL reason they left without a word, was to punish you; to wind you up, to get you worried about them, and ultimately, to have you feel guilty for not paying enough attention to them. Often we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. She's invested in having you think that, "no other man would disappoint her in the ways you have, nor even imagine letting go of such a trophy! Our legal system does not discriminate, even when your substantial monthly child support payments are going to a female who has; stopped taking her birth control pills, lied to you about where she was in her monthly cycle, told you she's infertile or has never wanted kids, perforated her own supply of prophylactics, or inserted the contents of discarded condoms to impregnate herself with your sperm! This material is not intended to suggest that Borderlines or those with BPD traits are bad people; many have extraordinary attributes and qualities that keep men from surrendering these relationships. Understanding the pattern of your relationships, specially those with family members and other significant people, is a fist step toward change. He will claim the act was either "accidental" or intended to help the partner. Emotional abusers often display different personalities to other people in their lives - watch for a completely changed demeanor, behavior, body language and even tone of voice, when they are at work, or with a circle of friends. Emotional abusers are self-preoccupied, and demonstrate a passive-aggressive interpersonal style. They make it sound like the partner's is somehow wrong or attempting to set them up for "blame", for wanting some sign of compassion and remorse, and an indication of willingness to work on the behavior problem.
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